There’s a Banana on my Bathroom Floor

You know when you walk under a ladder or a black cat crosses your path and it’s considered to be bad luck?  Well if you ignore the banana that’s on your bathroom floor, you’ll experience similar consequences of bad luck.  Not only is the banana soft and squishy between your toes, it’s really sticky and gross to clean off.  While cleaning your foot, you notice your 22 month old daughter is meticulously cleaning the toilet with her toothbrush.  Goodbye toothbrush, hello tears of bitter toddler disappointment.

After hurrying to get ready for a play date and getting there relatively on time, my son proceeds to projectile vomit out of his mouth and nose all over the play mat.  Not once, but twice.  I now smell of ‘eau de barf.  My daughter had so much fun at this play date that she tried to drink coffee and steal the picnic basket of toys.  This is after she reached her hand into her pants to scratch her butt.  So classy.

I thought I’d have a peaceful afternoon while both babies napped, but this was not to be.  Chloe decided to practice her pitch instead of napping and then clanging her sippy cup against the crib rails like a prisoner.  Ben woke up and nursed, then I gathered the screaming, baseball-rookie banchee from her cell and began to vacuum.  When the vacuuming was done, I gave Chloe a snack of Goldfish.  In the back of my mind I wondered if I should have given her something less crumbly, but dismissed that thought quickly.

Thinking that I could put away SOME of the mountain loads of laundry, I ran upstairs and commenced.  I heard my kids playing happily downstairs when a nagging suspicion urged me to check on them.  Goldfish were spread around on the carpet and it looks like Chloe decided to either crush her least favorite ones into a pile of dust.  (The crushing may have been with her hands or stomped on with her feet.  That will remain a mystery.)  Then I realize that the surviving Goldfish crackers are spread nicely around her brother, who is only 6 months old.  His mouth is closed and he is working on something in there!  Like any mother would do, I thrust my finger inside and pulled out a sloppy Goldfish cracker.  Once my heart rate slowed down, I thanked Chloe for her thoughtfulness, but told her not to share her food any more.

So far everything is peaceful again, with no disturbances, but there are 4 hours left until their bedtime.

If you stumble across a banana in your bathroom, RUN!


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